Rationalizations

One of the things I find amusing about review/discussion boards is the arguments people will make to justify what they want to do.  Indeed, often you can tell they’ve already decided what they want to and will do; they just want validation of that decision.  And when it’s something that they probably already know the vast majority will support, one wonders why they even put forth the effort. 

One particularly amusing area that falls into that category is the question of whether a client should compensate a lady if he no shows or cancels on very short notice.  Of course, almost no one wants to or feels they should have to pay a cancellation fee.  It’s particularly amusing because there is one clear and complete rationale for not compensating the lady, which is mentioned at most in passing, while most guys rely on a bunch of other arguments that on examination are weaker than they sound at first.  (It’s particularly amusing to contrast to their attitudes about the reversed situation, when it’s the lady who cancels short notice rather than the client.)

So here are a few typical arguments:

(For simplicity, references hereinafter to cancellations are intended to refer to a relatively short-notice, last-minute cancellation.)

I never no-show, only cancel, and even at the last minute that’s different from a no-show

Is it, really?  To some degree, sure; if you know you’re not going to make it, it’s more respectful to let me know than make them guess.  On the other hand, sometimes a cancellation can still be disrespectful (e.g., she knows a day in advance but doesn’t bother telling you until an hour in advance) and sometimes a no-show is not (e.g., a last-minute problem when she does not have computer access to email you, but isn’t sure that it’s safe to call you).

But in addition to the respect factor, there’s the question of her being able to make alternative plans.  If you have a 3:00 appointment, how much more helpful is it for her to find out at 2:30 instead of 3:00?  She probably spent significant time to make preparations and either altered or passed up other plans.  Which also brings in the “lost income” question (see below).

Think of it this way.  In some respects we have it much better than the ladies do; it’s much easier for us to make a Plan B on short notice than it is for them.  (It rarely works for me, but it does for a lot of clients.)  Yet many clients still get upset if a lady no-shows or cancels.  They can’t always find a Plan B, and thus may lose the window of opportunity, and even if they can, it may take a fair amount of extra effort.  Outside of the “respect” aspect, a short notice cancellation has about the same effect on me as a no-show.  At most, there’s the possibility of saving travel time; not a negligible factor, but it’s still a problem.  And of course the ladies may start their travel even earlier, if they have to prepare the incall and themselves. 

Note also, with respect to the question of travel time, that many people who distinguish between cancellation and no-show include a cancellation right up to the last minute, rather than distinguishing no-show from “cancellation far enough in advance to avoid travel time.”  The only time travel time tends to be mentioned is to emphasize why the poster is deserving of compensation; otherwise, most people ignore it.

These things happen, on both sides, and are just something we have to accept — built into fee structure

This can be a legitimate argument . . . if the person who makes it is consistent.  I suspect most of them are not.  That is, they think they should be compensated if a lady cancels or no-shows.  Not necessarilly that that they will be compensated but that they should be.  Why do you think the “48-hour rule” exists?  (Don’t post publicly about a no-show by a lady until at least 48 hours later, to give her time to contact you.)  To some degree it’s to see whether she has a legitimate excuse, but most of the people suggesting that you wait mention in passing the possibility that she will offer to compensate you.

If, when a lady no-shows you or cancels, you shrug it off, decline any compensation, and later schedule with her anyway rather than refusing to see her “cause she done you wrong” . . . this argument would be reasonable.  Otherwise, making this argument is hypocritical, it seems to me.

The ladies don’t compensate us when they no-show or cancel

 True, they often don’t.  But sometimes they do.  I’ve certainly been offered compensation — usually a discount, from 1/3 off to totally free for the next session, rather than simply more time — several times when a lady has no-showed or last-minute cancelled.

In any event, the issue isn’t really whether the offending party does compensate — it’s whether he/she should.  Isn’t it?  Otherwise, this argument is equivalent to the following:  “Ladies A, B, and C no-showed/short notice cancelled me.  They should have compensated me somehow for that, either more time or a discount, but they didn’t.  That was wrong of them.  But since they did it, it’s OK for me to no-show/cancel Lady D without compensating her.”  Or, more simply, “two wrongs make a right.”  That may be an explanation for why you don’t compensate the lady, but it’s not a justification.  At least, not under my system of morality.

But I had a good reason!

Oh please!  In the first place, the reason you couldn’t make it doesn’t affect the harm suffered by the person you no-showed/cancelled.  In the second place, how does she know?  Clients are notoriously suspicious of reasons offered by the ladies.  Well, some of the ladies may be suspicious of the reasons offered by clients.  How does she know that you didn’t just decide to blow her off, for example, because you got a better offer?

This argument would be reasonable if, when a lady no-shows/cancels you, you wait to hear her explanation, believe what she tells you, and decline any compensation if it’s a “good” reason.  My impression is that most clients would not do all that, in which case this argument would be hypocritical.

 I didn’t know about her policy ahead of time

 First, if it’s anywhere (e.g., her website), there’s a question of whether you have an obligation to have researched to find out about that.  Maybe not, although over the years I’ve read a lot of comments about the importance of not just reading an ad but also checking the lady’s website, etc.  If you did read it ahead of time, or reasonably should have, the obligation to pay for a short-notice cancellation is stronger.  So there’s a fact question about whether or not it was reasonable to have looked ahead of time.  Reasonable people may differ, but it’s not a slam-dunk “no” and at a minimum would require, for us to adequately evaluate, much more information than is usually offered by the client in question.

But even if you didn’t know about her policy ahead of time . . . what about the reverse?  When you schedule with a lady, do you clearly communicate that if she no-shows or cancels on short notice, you expect compensation in the form of X% off on the next visit?  If you do, you’re in the distinct minority. Yet, even without that, many clients do expect compensation in those situations.  That suggests that they think of the obligation to compensate not as a matter of having notice but as a matter of what is fair/right.  In which case, this argument is really a strawman, don’t you think?

She couldn’t have filled that slot with another appointment anyway, so she hasn’t really lost money, or
As long as she knows ahead of time, she can make other plans

These justifications are really opposites in some respect, although they both boil down to “no harm.”  The first asserts that there really is no difference between a no-show/cancel and not having booked with her at all — she didn’t lose income from setting aside that slot for you, because business is slow enough that she probably would not have filled it anyway.  Your scheduling was completely serendipitous, so cancelling or no-showing merely returns her to the status quo ante.  “No harm, no foul.”  The second asserts that there is no harm because, with advance notice, she can make other plans.  Of course, that may still mean lost income for her, if she can’t readily book someone else in that time slot.

If you schedule with her next week, does that eliminate the harm?  Other than the delay in her cash flow, it might — but it also might not.  If she normally books to capacity, she’s still out money unless she works next week more than she wants to.  If she doesn’t, there’s still the inconvenience to her as well as the delay in cash flow.  Maybe in most cases there is little or no harm.  But normally we don’t inquire enough to determine whether there is or isn’t; we just assume (conveniently) that there isn’t.

I also find this argument possibly a tad hypocritical, at least based on my assumptions concerning typical client behavior when a lady no-shows or cancels on them.  Do they expect and welcome an inquiry by her into whether they were able to find something else to do?  Do they think it is OK for her to assume that there is no significant harm because he probably could have found a Plan B, and therfore not compensate him?  Do we want to engage in fact-finding, determinations, evaluation of whether compensation is owed, as opposed to just applying a general standard?

I won’t pay a cancellation fee, I’ll just tip her the next time I see her

This may just be semantics.  For example, when I’ve had to cancel with short notice, the ladies have not requested a “cancellation fee” or anything at all.  I decide whether to compensate her, I decide the amount, and I give that to her (in addition to the regular fee) on our next date.  I call that a “voluntary cancellation fee”; some call it a “tip.”  Mostly semantics?

[Note in passing: for one lady whom I arguably no-showed a couple of years ago -- it's a nuanced situation subject to different interpretations -- I never compensated her.  I'm not sure if I would have, given all of the surrounding circumstances; close call.  But in any event, I've not seen her since, not even at a social, so there's been no convenient opportunity.  I might still, if I ever run across her or if she were close enough for a quick trip just to pay her that amount, but it seems increasingly unlikely.] 

But it may not be completely semantics.  I wonder whether, in part and for some clients, this is a matter of power.  That is, the compensation is not something the client is obligated to give and it is not given in response to request/demand from the lady — it is a completely a matter of his choice to be generous.  But he sure as hell isn’t going to give in to any demand from an “uppity whore.”  Maybe?

Hell, it’s not like she’s a doctor and spent years and tons of $$$ to qualify as a professional

This is a little bit of a strawman, although when you dig deeper it contains a kernel of truth — just not what those who assert it may have in mind.

I’ve seen this argument because some ladies have compared their situations to others who charge a cancellation fee if the client doesn’t show up — notably, doctors.  Oh, the naysayers respond, a doctor spends years of education/preparation and piles up tremendous debt to reach that position.  Just because you charge a lot of money doesn’t make you like him!  And then assert that the comparison indicates the lady is full of herself and afflicted with “Golden Pussy Syndrome.”  (They may also point out that the doctor only charges them the typical co-pay . . . but then, that’s all the client typically pays anyway.  They are still, personally, out-of-pocket as much as they would be if they’d shown up and gotten the service.  In that respect, no different from having to pay an escort a cancellation fee equal to the full amount they would have paid if they’d shwon up.)

I think that misses the mark.  The fact that a doctor charges a cancellation fee has nothing to do with him being a professional who spent years in higher education at considerable expense.  It doesn’t even have to do with him charging very high fees for his services.  As people would realize if they approached this objectively, the pattern of who does and doesn’t charge cancellation fees suggests a very different rationale.

Some doctors (and dentists) charge cancellation fees if you don’t show up for an appointment.  On the other hand, I’ve never known a lawyer to.  They bill you only for the actual time they spend.  (And normally neither compensate you if they’re late or can’t make it; you just have to reschedule.)  On the other hand, I have been charged — when I was unable to make the appointment — by service providers like the telephone company or a cable company.  Similarly, I have been “compensated” for problems by businesses like restaurants or department stores, without any corresponding requests that I compensate them for, for example, a cancelled reservation.

To me, all that suggests that it’s really a matter of market power.  Most of us establish long-term relationships with doctors and don’t want to go waltzing around seeing someone new every time; that’s less likely for an attorney.  And the telephone and cable companies have near-monopolies.  We can switch from cable to satellite, but other than that, we’re mostly stuck.  On the other hand, restaurants and department stores know that they face a lot of competition and we’re not tied to them.  They have to work harder to keep our business (e.g., rain checks on specials, free dessert if they mix up our order, etc.) and they have to grit their teeth, smile, and wave it off when we cause them problems.

At the end of the day, that’s probably most clients’ real argument for not compensating an escort for a last-minute cancellation, even though you might think she should compensate you if she no-shows or last-minute cancels.  It’s not a matter of what is fair; it’s a matter of what you can get away with because of the relevant balance of power in the market-place.  Put another way:

“I cancelled or no-showed her, but I’m not going to make it up to her unless I just happen to feel like it.  I certainly feel no obligation to do so.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to and I don’t have to.”

Now, that would be honest.  I see that occasionally, although rarely that directly and bluntly.

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If clients decide not to compensate ladies in circumstances like that, well, that’s their decision.  I understand it and I think the ladies (although unhappy) will accept it.  They don’t want clients to no-show or last-minute cancel and may complain about it, but they rarely expect, let alone demand, compensation.

In some respects, it may be similar to the issue of tipping.  General guidelines for whom to tip are sometimes expressed, but I think a lot of that comes down to the consensus of opinion in the community, regardless of whether it makes sense under some general rule.  Some clients tip in P4P.  I don’t.  So I certainly can’t condemn those who don’t pay voluntary cancellation fees for a last-minute cancellation, when that isn’t the norm in the P4P community either.

I realize that I don’t have to pay those voluntary cancellation fees, either.  When I’ve cancelled on short notice, there’s never been a hint that they expected anything other than hoping that I would reschedule with them soon.  (Of course, even without advance notice of her “policy,” if a lady requested compensation I would comply even if otherwise I would not have volunteered.)  If I didn’t give them a voluntary cancellation fee, it wouldn’t affect how they treated me let alone lead to a blacklist.  If I do, it’s more a matter of “I don’t have to, but I want to, because I think it’s fair.”