Prying

It’s a fine line to walk, I think.  At least, for some participants in P4P, where the “GFE” means more than just a laundry list of activities.  If you like the feeling of a connection between the two of you . . . if you like relating to a lady as more than just an impersonal sex object (yes, I know not all clients do) . . . asking about their lives seems a natural expression of interest in them as a person.

Of course, they have a desire/need for a zone of privacy.  Either to keep secret their civilian world, or because there are certain parts of their life that they only share with close friends, or because they fear you’re turning into an obsessed stalker. So you have to balance your interest against their zone of privacy, and try to avoid making them feel uncomfortable.  And, of course, it works both ways — the ladies want to demonstrate an interest in the client (and sometimes may genuinely be interested), while clients may be wary of sharing too much.

The balance isn’t always easy.  We don’t always think that what seems a fairly straightforward question might — depending on the answer — implicate one of those zones of privacy.  Some people err on the side of caution; some people go a little bit further, because genuinely interested, and hope that it won’t be taken the wrong way.  Most of us, on both sides of the aisle, are probably fairly adept at deflecting questions that invade a zone of privacy, either by ”answering without answering” or using a little white lie.  (The latter, hopefully, doesn’t wind up tripping them up down the road.)  I may go a bit further than I should, on occasion, although I think the ladies generally handle it well and don’t worry that I’m a stalker.

I thought of this recently when I was talking to a lady and asked what seemed like a fairly innocent question, even if it was none of my business.  I didn’t realize until she answered that it happened to be a sensitive area — that it disclosed something she might not want people to know, and for that matter disclosed something about another lady that I might not know.  As it turned out, I was aware of the situation with the other lady.  After I told her that, she was more comfortable, and talked at length about something that I wouldn’t expect most people to share with someone they met in P4P.  She trusted me, though.  I found the topic interesting, and enjoyed her sharing that with me, although I also thought to myself (and told her later) “there are a lot of people she probably should not mention that to.”

The “another lady” component of that raises another part of the issue.  A lot of the ladies have few if any close friends among the other ladies; they can be fairly “isolated.”  But some of the ladies do have or form friendships with other ladies, which can lead to an awkward situation.  I’ve found myself on occasion over the years talking with Lady A, who I know is a friend of Lady B, when I haven’t heard from Lady B recently.  I’ll be sitting there very curious about what is going on with Lady B — but knowing that asking Lady A about what’s going on would not be appropriate.  Not only would that put Lady A in an awkward position, if Lady B may not want me to know something I asked about, but it also seems so . . . “junior high,” doesn’t it? 

If there’s one area where I am more careful than otherwise with respect to possibly going over the boundaries, that’s probably the one.  So I sit there very curious about what is going on with Lady B, but trying not to even bring up her name unless Lady A does.  And even if Lady A does, trying not to ask any probing questions. I’m not sure I always manage that, but I do make an effort.