Transition

A recent conversation with a lady concerning one of my posts got me thinking.  (Always dangerous, I know.)  Probably most of us grew up in an environment where the perception of P4P fell along the lines of the traditional stereotypes, and it was viewed in a very negative light.  Probably most of us grew up thinking of P4P, if we thought of it at all, as something that people like us just didn’t do.  Yet, here we are today.

So, what I started wondering (and this is a question for both ladies and clients): Did you share those stereotypes and negative feelings about P4P when you were growing up?  If so, what made you decide to get involved in it and/or what changed your perception?  I guess the answer to that last question perhaps depends on which came first: your decision to participate in P4P, or your change in perception?  And of course, it assumes that you no longer have the same stereotypes and negative feelings about P4P that are so common among “civilians.”

Self-fulfilling prophecy?

A few days ago I mentioned a wide-spread belief, in some quarters, that many or even most ASPD staff engage in corrupt behavior — not just power trips, throwing their weight around, but also using their positions to coerce favorable treatment from the ladies.  E.g., deep discounts or freebies.  I guess I only began to realize recently how wide-spread that belief is.  Indeed, it’s not just rumors circulating about specific individuals; it approaches a default presumption that staff must be trying to use their positions in such fashion for their personal benefit — else, why would they take on a volunteer, unpaid position that takes a lot of time and creates a lot of grief?  It’s almost “guilty until proven innocent.”

And it seems that wide-spread belief would make it more likely that actual abuses of power will take place.

Out of character?

I’ve thought occasionally that I am probably one of the last people my “real world” friends would ever think would be involved in P4P.  Not just because of the normal stereotypes of P4P clients.  But also because it would seem (to them) particularly out of character for me.

Spinner

I’ve seen, in the blog stats, that people occasionally wind up at my blog apparently in the course of searching for a definition of “spinner.”  For their benefit:

From Double-Tongued Dictionary

(Adjective – Slang) Used among some men to describe an extremely petite young woman, usually with a lot of sex appeal – the term is thought to reference the small stature and weight of the woman; (IE she is so petite she could be spun around while riding the man during sex).

From College Stories:

A short petite, attractive girl denoted by the fact that she is so small that you can A) have sex with her standing up and spin her around like a propeller or B) have sex with her on top and spin her like a nut on a bolt.

I’ve seen it used slightly differently, or defined somewhat more expansively, in the local P4P community.

Commitment

I ran across a suggestion for what seems to me a bizarre method of avoiding no shows:

You call her (or leave a voice mail) or email her or whatever and say ‘anytime in the afternoon this week, call me and I’ll be there in an hour!’ or some such. Then she calls YOU! That way, SHE’S ready and has an opening for you and can plug you in on HER short notice or time schedule. Risk low.

Huh??

Edited to add:  OK, how he’s claiming that it was a joke.  Maybe so; the whole idea is pretty farcical.  (On the other hand, it seems out of character.)

Diving

I went “discussion board diving” yesterday.

I almost always read ASPD (the biggest, most active P4P board locally) although I’ve stopped posting (again) recently; have been popping into a new board still in its infancy; and occasionally drop by AHC just to see if they’re still active.  But I’m also registered on 3 or 4 other boards on which I rarely if ever participate (and on most of which I am not “Chevalier”).  I don’t read them on a regular basis, but every month or two I’ll drop by and look around.  Not just recent posts, but sometimes browsing back through several months of old threads for interesting topics.

It’s an interesting, although somewhat disconcerting, experience.

Criminalization

Those in the P4P arena who decry that it is illegal in the United States (with the exception of a few small counties in Nevada) often point to Europe as an enlightened example of how it should be handled.  Alas, as noted in this recent post over on Livvy’s blog, Sweden (!) made paying for sex a criminal offense in 1999, and England will soon consider expanding the portions of the P4P industry that are illegal (currently only kerbcrawlers and minors).

Livvy marshals several arguments why this is a bad idea.  Alas, most of those pursuing such laws (or resisting decriminalization here in the U.S.) are not really doing so because careful analysis has convinced them that on balance it creates more harm than good for the community.  It is mostly an emotional rather than analytical response.  While I would like to see the law liberalized here, I consider it extremely unlikely within my lifetime.

Putting up with it

One of the amazing aspects of P4P to me is . . . how much unprofessional behavior clients will put up with from some of the ladies.  No shows.  Failure to respond to emails or calls.  Substantial delays from the scheduled appointment time.  It reminds me of an old Neil Sedaka song that I heard on the radio the other day, particularly these verses:

The woman was born to lie
Makes promises she can’t keep with the wink of an eye
. . . .
Brother you’ve been deceived
It’s bound to change your mind about all you believe
. . . .
From where I stand it looks mighty strange
How you let a woman like that treat you like small change

(Full lyrics below, for those interested.)  When you read discussion boards, that sort of behavior seems, well, “common” may be overstating it, but certainly it is not “rare” either.  (A minority of the ladies engage in such, but it’s still quite a few.)  Yet, a lot of guys put up with it.

Attitude

An interesting post here by CPI3000, responding to someone who felt CPI had been less respectful to him than appropriate:

I have made a conscious decision to worry a little less about being PC and resorting to being a benign moderator. After looking at my posting history and that of other moderators, I decided to be me and damn the consequences. Posts like this from former mods showed me that adjusting your posting habits and attitudes were just unhealthy towards keeping one’s sanity. In short, I am going to be the “me” that I was before I joined the staff and not be afraid to call it like I see it while maintaining a level of respect for others and their point of view.

These are interesting questions of: (1) how respectful (a very subjective measure) the staff should be toward members, absent truly egregious behavior by the latter; and (2) whether trying too hard to maintain a respectful tone contributes to burn-out.  And, if the answer to #2 is “yes,” where it’s appropriate to draw the line between good customer relations and retaining staff. 

I think my perspective has changed a bit over the past couple of years.

Power struggle?

A thread over at ASPD about whether or not ladies should include music on their ads and/or their websites, leading to some strong disagreements between the guys (who think “the customer is right”) and one or two of the ladies (who think the guys should accept what they want to do).  Followed by this thread asking, in part whether all this was “just a power struggle.”

Well, of course it is.  As it virtually everything to some degree, whether in personal relationships or business relationships.