How to run a P4P board — allegations of staff misconduct (ninth in a continuing series)

The issue of allegations of staff misconduct is exceptionally complicated, without a perfect answer.  On the one hand, the staff are generally unpaid volunteers whom the owners would like to support.  Being paid may make you more willing to put up with bullshit, and unpaid volunteers may be tempted to walk away if they keep taking potshots from the membership.  Not to mention that a lot of the criticism they receive is unwarranted.  So there’s a natural tendency to support the people who work for you. 

On the other hand, the owners’ ultimate loyalty has to be to the membership, and serious staff misconduct (as opposed to minor, trivial mistakes of the sort that are inevitable) can hurt the board a lot if it does occur.  Staff are in a position to do a lot of serious damage to the board’s reputation and continued viability — flagrant favoritism, arrogant mistreatment of members, abuses of power by using their position to obtain favors, etc.

Responding to allegations of staff misconduct is an incredibly difficult — and incredibly important — balancing act.  Which boards frequently struggle with unsuccessfully.  For what it’s worth, my thoughts on how they should go about it.

The boundaries of connection

I’ve talked before about enjoying a “connection” with the ladies I see — feeling like more than anonymous strangers who will have forgotten each other a week later.  I do consider some of the ladies I see to be friends.  Maybe not friendships that would continue after one or both of us walked away from all this, but at least a ”P4P friend.”

At the same time, I do realize the potential dangers and emotional risks of getting too close.  I’ve been involved with P4P for over 30 years now, and haven’t stumbled yet, but it is something people need to be aware of.  A couple of threads over at ASPD are good reminders.

It continues

The exodus from AHC continues.

Yesterday, if I recall correctly, Supervisor announced that Mod 6 had resigned.  No specific reason was given that I recall.  Either the thread was removed from public view or I just can’t find it now.

Last night, texsam55, a/k/a Mod 1, posted virtually identical resignations under both handles.  I was not in a position to copy his threads at the time, and both are now missing.

Why I care

I know a lot of people are completely uninterested in these threads about what happens on the local review/discussion boards.  (Although the # of page views sure climbs through the roof.)  And I know that a lot of people prefer that this sort of stuff be kept entirely off the boards, as “drama.”

I don’t post these threads because of an “anti-AHC,” or “anti-Maz,” or “anti-Ruby,” or anti-anyone agenda.  I want to see AHC succeed, even though it’s not a site of which I care to be a member.  But “succeed,” to me, means more than just “gain a lot of members” or “make money” or similar metrics.  I care about the P4P community, and that it gets what it needs out of boards like ASPD, AHC, etc.  AHC has a definite contribution it can make.  I don’t necessarily question their intentions, just their judgment.  I criticize some actions by AHC management not because of animosity toward them, but because I consider those actions not in the best interests of AHC members and the wider P4P community. 

Sometimes those interests are best served by acknowledging and addressing issues forthrightly and openly, rather than sweeping them under the rug to avoid “drama.”

But I’m also a realist, so I don’t have any serious expectation that AHC management will ever agree with my viewpoints or take action accordingly.  Maybe most of their members would not agree with my perspective either.  But I think some would . . . and it’s for them, and for now, that I keep tilting at windmills.

Wrong direction

As JoeE predicted in some of the posts linked in my previous thread, he has been banned.  Ruby’s explanation:

I just banned 3 people, and there will be more tomorrow.
OUTING someone is NEVER OK, no matter who, or where, period.
Bashing our Staff in public will not be tolerated, either. Our own Staff is not allowed to do that. If you have a question or concern about anyone on Staff, direct your PM to Supervisor or myself. DO NOT post in public “hearsay”, rumors, lies, or accusations. It DOES NOT HELP anything, it almost always makes it worse.

In fact, those that choose to believe the lies, please go to a board that enjoys “drama”, and hurting people, and blatantly accepts rumors and “he said/she said” without requesting PROOF. When the “drama” is about you, you might not like it so much.

We have done nothing to be ashamed of, or to apologize for.

This is understandable, but it’s the wrong reaction.

A very bad sign

when one of AHC’s strongest supporters, for a long period of time, as well as a former mod is now publicly posting a strong condemnation:

Well…. seems like Supervisor and Team Leader P (aka Maz aka reviewmod aka ….) are screwing over the ladies of AHC and then threatening them with being banned if they tell. Well…. screw them. Oh, Maz will also edit any posts as well as modify the logs and frame others for stuff as well. So, screw AHC!

I don’t know what the “truth” is, and in the end perhaps it doesn’t matter to me much one way or another.  And I have no idea if this is in any way related to the previous conflict with another former mod (here and here).  Edited to add:  Further info found.

Tables turned

Someone told me recently that one of the local boards has a review, written by a lady, of me.  Huh??? 

I don’t know what board, or who wrote it, or what it says.  Presumably it’s in an area that I can’t access.  And my instinctive reaction is probably similar to what most ladies experience: immediate strong curiosity, with perhaps a twinge of concern about what the review says.  On the other hand, a review typically doesn’t affect a client the same way that a review affects a lady . . . so perhaps the intensity of the curiosity/concern is less. And I recognize that there may be confidentiality concerns that preclude someone from telling me more.  Just as the ladies are not supposed to have access to the BCD portions of a review, although there are arguments that they should (see here and here).  But of course, the ladies at least know who wrote the review, and can get a general feel for whether favorable/unfavorable/wildly enthusiastic from the public portions of the review. Damn, I’m at a disadvantage here!

But the other question this brought to mind was — why would a lady write a review of a client??  Particularly in these circumstances.

Slowing down

I’ll be out of town for a few days and away from the blog.  And when I get back, I’ll probably (hopefully) be slowing down a bit.  Real life issues are going to be taking up more of my time for the next month or two.  Well, at least I intend to slow down a bit.

Getting burned

I’ve often seen references to the likelihood of getting burned if a guy lets himself get too close to one of the ladies, and some use that as an rationale for distancing themselves.  But what does “getting burned” mean to guys in the context of P4P?

Just finding out that she didn’t really like you as much as you thought she did?  Yeah, it can be unpleasant to be reminded that it’s partly or mostly or even totally an illusion . . . but I wouldn’t count that as being burned, and certainly not as justification for erecting an emotional barrier with other ladies.  Uncomfortable but no lasting harm.

Last night

I had a fabulous time with a ladyfriend.  It had been about two years since I last saw her.[*]  The sex was fantastic — and fierce; think “just ran into her boyfriend after being stranded on a desert island for several months” — and definitely was not “over too soon.”  Well, at least it lasted long enough for me. I enjoyed catching up on things, and the conversation flowed comfortably.  In P4P, the sex is supposed to be fun, but it’s a very nice bonus when you enjoy the conversation this much. Some nervousness and awkwardness because it had been so long, but a great time.

 This is how it always should be.

 ——————-

[*] Not indicative of a lack of interest.  I retired temporarily at the end of 2005, and when I drifted back into P4P, I limited myself to just a couple of ladies.  I’ve expanded my “scope” since then, but hadn’t gotten around to hooking up with this lady again.  About damn time!