But under the circumstances

I’ll probably not be posting here very often.  If I’m not “in the game,” my perspective loses some of its validity.  Not to mention that I ran out of things to say a long time ago — although that doesn’t always stop me. 

I may be back every now and then, though.  Expressing one’s thoughts (semi-) publicly is another very difficult habit to break. 

It isn’t easy

For a lot of different reasons, I tried to stop seeing escorts around the beginning of 2006.  (No, it was not causing financial or work problems.)  It didn’t work out all that well.

I made an exception from the beginning for lady A.  I truly feel that we have a strong mutual connection and affection, and she is very special to me.  I wasn’t willing to give her up.  Then, since she wasn’t always available, I made exceptions for ladies B and C, whom I’d seen many times (more than a dozen) before.  I was quite fond of both, and both were very convenient to see in terms of location/schedule.  And then, starting around the middle of the year, I broke down and started seeing some new ladies as well.  Pretty close to back to business as usual.

I’m making another effort this year. 

I miss . . .

Although I’m probably too busy to accept (just as well, as I really need to cut back if not stop altogether), it would still be nice to get an email or phone call from an escort suggesting I come see her.  Even though we clients may be “fungible wallets,” not really distinguishable from all the others, we like to feel as though we’re not.  Receiving a personalized email directed to us specifically, as opposed to a standardized pitch she’s obviously sent to many clients (although we respond to some of those too), well, it makes us feel as though we’re not just one of several options between which she’s indifferent.  I’m not talking about emotional entanglements that cross boundaries, or a “real life friend.”  It’s nice, though, to feel as though we’re a “hobby friend” and/or one of her favorite clients.  Even if we realize we’re probably not.

P.S.

That last entry is NOT intended as indirect insult to those who don’t have those concerns.  For many escorts/clients who are not concerned, it’s probably either because they’ve come to terms with it long ago or because they believe that the significant negative effects are relatively rare among those whom they see — not because they’re insensitive and uncaring people in general.  I don’t subscribe to such stereotypes about escorts or clients.   I believe most escorts/clients are interested in the well-being of the other, probably more so than many civilians with whom they interact.  Personally, I rarely if ever worry about whether the waitress at my favorite restaurant or the masseuse at the local spa really hate their jobs.  Maybe I should, but the interaction is just too limited/remote and I can’t deeply empathize with everyone.  OK, call me insensitive or shallow.    But it’s hard not to have some degree of empathy with someone when you’re intimate with them.

I wonder

The more time I spend reading discussion boards, blogs, etc., the more it becomes obvious that for many escorts this is a very distasteful profession.  Not just the sex trafficking or LE exposure or particular “bad” clients, either.  Sure, most of us work for the $$, and most of us experience at least some times that the job isn’t all that much fun.  For some escorts, though, it goes beyond that, and they suffer adverse effects and psychological trauma, even with the “better” clients.  Check out, sometime, the threads on Nia’s blog about

Market research

Of course, asking questions like that in the last entry, on a discussion board, will not provide a very accurate reading of the perspective of clients in general.  That ASPD thread I suppose was akin to market research that a regular business might conduct.  I’m not convinced that it works that well in this particular situation.  It’s not always easy in any market research to craft the questions properly.  And the clandestine nature of this business makes it even more difficult to get a large enough and representative enough sample of opinion.

You can try to understand your client base by questions like that, but at the end of the day, most escorts are going to have to address such issues.  If not getting as much business as they would like, or not getting return visits from regulars, or not getting the type of clients they prefer . . . sure, ask for advice, but then experiment until you find out what works for you.  Whether that be posting ads, revising your website, posting in topics on discussion boards, emailing or calling your regular clients who haven’t seen you for awhile to encourage a return visit, changing the style of your ads, etc., etc. 

But . . . maybe I’m wrong.  Escorts keep asking those kinds of questions.  Of course, maybe the question itself is a way to get their name before the public, rather than a way to gain information.   I wonder whether they feel they really get valuable advice that way, and whether they benefit from following that advice.  I suspect not, but I may be overly pessimistic or cynical.  Ladies, what say you??

Ads

Brienne started a thread on ASPD asking whether we assume an escort is no longer available if we don’t see frequent ads.  Well, by extension, include reviews or posts in discussion boards.  Several factors mentioned; one in particular caught my attention:

Let’s refine that last item a bit

It’s certainly possible that off-the-clock non-BCD interaction may be nothing more than “business development.”  That happens to some extent in a lot of service businesses, mine included.  But

• A “business development” motive doesn’t necessarily mean there were no feelings of (casual) friendship.  Does an escort engage in such activities with all her clients, or does she choose only a few for these activities?  Would she engage in them with you if you were only a business opportunity?
• Even if there is no motive other than “business development,” can you enjoy those activities just for themselves?  If I take a client to a Mavericks game, the fact that I wouldn’t socialize with him absent the business relationship doesn’t mean that we can’t enjoy the game.  (In the case of that particular thread on AHC, of course, the activities may not have intrinsically fun so much as fun because it was time with a “friend.”)

I very, very rarely see or communicate with escorts outside of actual sessions (or making arrangements for such).  I’m not averse to it, but I’d never suggest it to them.  If an escort offered, and if I enjoyed spending time with her, sure, why not?  But I wouldn’t stop seeing an escort simply because

• She didn’t like me enough as a friend to see me off-the-clock for non-BCD interaction, or
• She was willing to engage in such activities but only because of the “business development” motive.

Can’t tell for sure, but I suspect one or both of those would bother the guy who started that thread over at AHC, much more than they would me.

I suppose, rather than either of those two reasons, he might have stopped seeing her because he felt “betrayed.”  Maybe if it had been clear right from the beginning that there was no close friendship of the type he described (in the other thread he discusses) . . . he have been comfortable continuing to see her, with or without those off-the-clock non-BCD activities.  (Of course, since I wouldn’t have assumed a close friendship in the first place, I wouldn’t have felt a sense of betrayal.)

Maybe it’s about accepting this hobby for what it is.  Maybe it’s about expectations.

 

How do you define “friendship” in the hobby?

This came to mind because of a thread over at AHC.

I mistook her initiation of activity other than pay-for-play (as well as frequent and rather personal e-mail communication) for an actual interest in me as a human being. I thought a friendship of sorts was developing but discovered I was wrong. . . . Unfortunately, it was apparently nothing more than business to her in the end . . . .

I’ll be damned

Awhile back I posted rather dismissively about the idea of Rebecca of Dallas writing a book.  Well, here the book is.

Sappy, simplistic, and not all that interesting or beneficial from my perspective (based on checking out a few random pages) . . . but she did (with some assistance?) write a book, just as introuble claimed.  I guess a mea culpa is in order for doubting her.