Time to take a break?

I read ads and reviews, look at photos . . . I guess it’s that ‘ol urge that is prompting me to look/read, but none of the girls are sparking a response of “hey, I’d like to see her soon.”  Instead, more of a ho-hum, “blah” feeling.  The only provider I’m really enthusiastic about these days (my ATF) hasn’t been available for many, many months; not sure whether she ever will be again, but if so it won’t be soon.  There are a couple of other girls I might enjoy seeing again.  If they contact me, maybe; but I’m too lethargic to initiate an appointment myself.

Other signs:  Haven’t been replenishing my “hobby stash” when opportunities present themselves.  Although I continue to post here occasionally as well as read other blogs, I’m losing interest in both.  The stuff on local discussion boards seems more and more boring or annoying these days. 

I guess it’s just an overall feeling of alienation or burn out.  Maybe I need to step back from all the hobby-related stuff.  Maybe just for a short while; who knows, maybe forever.

Helping out

Over on AHC, Summer made a public request for donations to help her friend Harli, who was encountering some serious health problems.  A day after the original request:

Not one person has come forward to help one of our own.  I admit I am ashamed.  This family is truly in need of some help and all of you have let me and Harli down.

At last count, she’d finally received some donations, totaling about $350.

A few things occurred to me when I read the thread:

• I understand the disappointment, but it’s always seemed . . . I dunno, impolite? unproductive? . . . to criticize people for not contributing.  Is it really appropriate to try to “guilt” people into donating to something like this?
• The difference between this and the thousands (?) collected by Kayla’s charity raffle (original post on ASPD was removed after the raffle ended but here’s a copy on AHC) — maybe those contributing to the latter really were mostly motivated by the chance at the prize. 
• Even in purely charitable situations, with no raffle/prize, I’ve seen significantly more raised by requests over at ASPD than that.  OK, that may mostly be a function of numbers:  many more ASPD members than AHC members.  But it’s still ironic given Summer’s feelings (shall we say extremely negative?) about ASPD that it helps its own more than AHC seems to.
• But at the end of the day, even at ASPD, most people are ready to post encouraging words and express kind sentiments . . . few actually dig into their pockets to any degree at all.  I do consider these discussion boards to be a limited “community” of sorts (more about that later), and contributing anything arguably is an indication of that, but the limited participation also demonstrates the limits of that feeling of community.  Alas.

Just a few random musings.

Never tried that before

So . . . this morning I did my first “video presentation.”  I am totally, completely inept technologically, but the escort had the computer, camera and an account on adultfriendfinder.com.  We were just doing oral today, so she suggested that we broadcast it, to spice it up a bit.

It was an interesting experience, one that I’d never had before.  We took our clothes off and then she fiddled with the camera and the computer settings.  By the time everything was set up to her satisfaction, we’d been broadcasting awhile without knowing it and already had 200+ viewers — of us just standing around.  I suppose we could have moved the camera around enough that any positioning would have worked, but for simplicity we stuck with me standing and her kneeling in front of me.  Mostly just plain vanilla — in and out, occasional deep throat, and once or twice pulling my cock all the way out so she could “play the harmonica.”  Nothing too fancy, and I didn’t last too long. 

I thought later that it might have been better for our viewing audience if I’d come on her face; she’s said before that she’s open to that, at least with me.  On the other hand, I have this paranoid fear that it would just sort of ooze out rather than spurt, and that might look rather pathetic.  I dunno; maybe on another occasion, as well as some other positions. 

I’m still processing the whole experience and what I think about it.  It was somewhat exciting to see the video of what we were doing, sort of like personalized porn.  Seeing it on the video is somehow different from just looking down and watching the real thing.  Having people watching was . . . a little strange.  They couldn’t see enough to identify either of us, of course.  We had over 700 viewers at one point — almost all men, I think, so they were focusing on her more than me.  One thing that probably makes some guys uncomfortable with this is the thought that viewers will snicker about our size, but I suspect there wasn’t all that much critiquing going on by the viewers.  More likely they were too busy whacking off.

She suggested that we try another time when she’s not dealing with her monthly “visitor” and we can broadcast fucking in addition to sucking.  Maybe?

Providers who shouldn’t be

Certainly there are a lot of things that can make clients uncomfortable about their participation in the hobby.  One of the worst, for me, is the thought of dealing with a provider who is desparately unhappy – not about specific clients she deals with, but just in general about her job.  Some may be almost forced into it and find it very difficult to leave although they want to.  That’s a general stereotype that outsiders have, but it’s not entirely inaccurate.  There are women like that — perhaps most often in street work or AMP’s, but probably everywhere.  (Here’s an earlier post about an article on sex trafficking.)

I’ve had at least one encounter with a provider like that, about a year and a half ago.  It was through a very reputable agency, and she had a stellar reputation — tons of glowing reviews.  I have some misgivings, don’t recall exactly why, but scheduled a session anyway.  She was attractive, but things just didn’t click between us.  Well, that happens, no big deal.  But the whole session left a bad taste in my mouth.

Charity fatigue

A couple more public requests for assistance (made by guys on behalf of the providers) at Dallas ASPD.  One lady whose house burned down.  Another who just underwent surgery and will be out of work for a few weeks (and . . . whose house burned down a few months ago.)  *sigh*  Although I’ve contributed quite a bit over the last few years to members of the community who were in need — often people I hadn’t even met — I’m just feeling burned out about it.  Not so much a question of “is this true, or just a fake story put out to scam some money”; more that “I’ve given a LOT already; let someone else step up.”  Plus, almost $700 of what I gave last year just disappeared — the intended recipient never received it at all.  (Details here, here, and here.)

I may just swear off helping out in cases like these; possible exception for people I know really well.  “Charity” and the hobby may not go well together; “helping out a friend,” maybe.  I’m not even sure about that.

(Yeah, I know.  A lot of people would think I’m a chump for helping out in the past.  Maybe I was.)

Needy clients?

I happened to listen to a song this morning that I thought captured a bit of the flavor of some “needy” clients who wind up blurring the lines between fantasy and reality, and causing the escorts problems. Not that the songwriter was thinking of them specifically.

I’m numb as a statue
I may have to beg, borrow or steal
Some feelings from you
So I can have some feelings too

I’m pale as a ghost
You know what I love about you
That’s what I need the most
I’m gonna beg, borrow or steal
Some feelings from you
I’m gonna beg, borrow or steal
So I can have some feelings too

I don’t care if it’s superficial
You don’t have to dig down deep
Just bring enough for the ritual
Get here before I fall asleep

“I don’t care if it’s superficial” in particular struck a chord. A very sad song. Anyway, I hope I’m not, and never wind up, at this stage. *shudder*

Impulse scheduling

I find myself frequently with an urge (sometimes fairly strong) to go visit a provider right now.  Of course, a lot of the time that urge is really about a lot of things other than the desire for sexual pleasure — which means there are other things, probably better for me in the long run, that I should consider to meet those underlying needs, rather than paying for sex.  A topic for another day.

The urge is fairly immediate, but it can’t easily be satisfied immediately.  For the girls I’m interested in seeing, it is extremely difficult to email or call at 3:00 in the afternoon and see them at 5:30.  Not that they’re high-volume necessarily – but they often have other (real life) things going on; or may not check emai frequently enough.  For that matter, being low volume may make a short notice rendezvous more difficult; one in particular I’m thinking off uses hotels instead of a fixed location incall, and usually requires a fair amount of time to book a hotel, drive over and check in, and get ready.  An AMP or studio, or even an agency if you’re interested in several of the girls there, helps spur of the moment arrangements . . . but that’s not where my interests lie.

Realistically, I suppose I should ignore the short notice urges and instead plan playtime in advance without being influenced by them.  At times I’ve found myself — well, let’s not call it “lowering my standards” — selecting a playmate because she’s available on short notice rather than because I’m enthused about seeing her.  I’ve gotten better about that.  But even if it doesn’t influence who I see, “impulse scheduling” — even if done for a few days from now — probably increases how many girls I see over the course of a month.  Scheduling when I’m not obsessed with sex, just like grocery shopping when I’m not hungry, may be a better approach.  (Of course, that itself sounds a little odd, doesn’t it? – arranging a sex encounter days in advance to coincide with a pre-planned schedule rather than in response to sexual desire.) 

Of course, as noted above, it probably would be a healthier approach not to schedule at all, “retire” from the hobby, and rely on other outlets.  And maybe one day soon.

Needless to say, I’m feeling that urge today.  Very difficult to concentrate on work today, although that may be mostly boredom and/or stress rather than sexual desire per se.

Unintended consequences

Just something that occurred to me  as I was falling asleep last night:  would legalization of prostitution possibly have some negative consequences for us?

Certainly it would be nice not to have the threat of criminal sanctions hanging over our heads — particularly for the escorts — but legalization does not mean laissez faire.  There would undoubtedly be government regulation.  Might that increase fees?  (Not to mention make it difficult to escape paying taxes.)  Create barriers to entry for new ladies?

One potential problem that struck me was the possibility that it might have to be more open.  Requlations requiring that the women work from a fixed commercial location, rather than moving from hotel room to hotel room and perhaps not working from a residence, and that the business display a sign clearly designating that it was a brothel?  Perhaps a little bit far-fetched.  I’m too lazy to track down Nevada regulations for their brothels.

If it were more often, that wouldn’t be entirely unprecedented.  That’s pretty much the situation with asian massage parlors or studios in Dallas.  Fixed location, segregated away in little pockets of the city rather than widespread, everyone knows what they are.  The cops raid them occasionally, usually around election time or when the citizenry start complaining.  It’s a tolerable compromise for many and could improve if legalized.

But.  Legalization might drastically reduce other, more private, venues.  I’m thinking of independents who rent hotel rooms, or have an apartment for an incall.  If those went away . . . it would be a bad thing for some of us who prefer privacy over walking into an AMP or studio where everyone who sees us knows exactly what we’re doing there.  Sure, they might suspect us if they see us at a hotel or apartment complex during the middle of the day, but with an AMP or studio it’s more than suspicion.

The problem I see is that, even with legalization, the social stigma likely would remain.  Frankly, I don’t think it would do me any good to tell my employer or my wife “but it’s legal!”   So it’s more important that my actions be under the radar than that they be protected from prosecution.  Legalization might work against that.

Well, just a few thoughts.  On balance, legalization might still be best.  In any event, the question is probably moot.  I don’t think we’ll see wide-spread legalization in the U.S. in my lifetime.  The constituency for it is too small and fearful of coming out of the shadows, while the opposition is widespread.  The courts won’t do it either — it’s fairly well established that some constitutional rights can be limited in a commercial context, and that’s all a judge needs to decide against extending Roe v. Wade and Lawrence v. Texas to prostitution.

Playing by the rules

Consider this a clarification, given possible misinterpretations of some of the things I said earlier about privacy and emotions in the hobby.  Regardless of that, I still play by my version of “the rules”:

Frequency

Does how often a client sees escorts matter to the escorts?  I know, it sounds like a silly question.  On the other hand, I’ve seen comments occasionally on escort blogs that seem disdainful of guys who visit so often it becomes a “hobby” for them.  A lot of that — maybe all of it — is because of some of the behaviors that are sometimes associated with “hobbyists.”  But is any of it because frequent participation itself is viewed as somewhat negative?

Frequent participation could be a positive, if it turns into a client who sees you regularly — a predictable flow of income is important to some escorts.  Of course, frequent participation does mean seeing the same girl more han once or twice; some of those guys still hop from girl to girl.  Those who participate frequently, and even spend time on review/discussion boards, may be more likely to know the score — may be less likely to ask inappropriate questions and more likely to know how the lady expects and wants her clients to behave.  On the other hand, they may also be more likely to try to use market power (including participation on a review/discussion board) to exploit or manipulate the lady.

Those are fairly obvious factors.  Mostly, I guess I’m wondering about the psychological implications.  Are “frequent hobbyists” more often somewhat jaded and difficult to satisfy?  Do they seem more needy, or more likely to become obsessive stalkers, than other clients?  What about other character traits — arrogant?  insecure?  more likely to treat the escort impersonally rather than be friendly?

I have absolutely no idea if there are any significant differences, or if escorts have significant preferences one way or another.  And I guess in the end it doesn’t impact my life much if any.  But it’s interesting (to me anyway) and I’m curious.  There are a few ladies I may have to ask about that the next time I see them.