Primitive

Caitie Mae’s entry on her blog, expressing appreciation for being on the blogroll of various other blogs — including this one — reminds me again that I undoubtedly have the most primitive of any hobby blogs.  A result of using geocities, rather than blogspot or wordpress, I guess. I’m not a very technologically advanced guy and geocities was easy to set up. But my blogroll is only accessible through “yahoo 360″ (I’m not sure I’d even know to find it there without being logged into this account) and the Links from my Main Page. And no search function (which would be very handy for someone like me with diarrhea of the keyboard — there are a few interesting things here and there but they’re buried under a mound of drivel) and well as other bells and whistles.

Some day I may get around to transferring this over to a better site, but I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be maintaining this anyway.

In the meantime, thanks to Caitie Mae, Compartments, and the Petulant Pooner for linking here.  And thanks to the authors of some of the other hobby blogs I’ve found interesting — Clandestine Call Girl, Miss Employed in Minnesota, After Hours, Diary of the Call Girl Next Door, Nia dark and lovely, LA Player.

Entry for December 25, 2006

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Jealousy and transitions

A thread over on ASPD about a recurring topic — providers with husbands or boyfriends. This fascinates a lot of people, although after a few years of talking with providers, I don’t find it quite as remarkable as I did before. More interesting (to me) than the client’s reaction is the boyfriend’s. Some can’t deal with it very well, which is why some providers hide it from their SO’s

There are providers/SO’s who make it work. I recall one provider who posted on her blog about how supportive her boyfriend was of her job. (By the way, the guy in question is the only provider’s SO I’ve knowingly met — a little strange, but no big deal.) They may be married by now; I haven’t talked to her in ages.

When you come down to it . . . it should be possible for a guy to accept his girlfriend working as a provider. It’s her job; she’s not fucking all those guys because she’s not satisfied with her boyfriend. He’s still the one she chooses to come home to at the end of the day. Even if she were very fond of some of her clients, most of them are married and that means there is no real possibility of anything developing. So there’s no real reason for him to feel threatened. But I also understand some guys couldn’t deal with it. I had a conversation the other day with a provider friend (let’s call her X) who has to hide her job from her boyfriend. It’s causing a lot of tension/difficulty, particularly because he suspects she’s still hooking.

I think her problem isn’t necessarily jealousy. It may just be a question of an extremely awkward transition. Her boyfriend knows she used to hook. He doesn’t know she still does. She might be very happy to stop and build a life with him. But in the meantime, how does she support herself? Can she walk out the door on Monday and find a $60,000/year job by the end of the week? Not easy, easy for someone with good job qualifications. So what do they do? How does she get from where she was when he met her to a situation, with the SO, where she doesn’t have to hook anymore?

A few isolated quotes from that ASPD thread:

At some point, one in the couple wants the person to stop, but for economic or other reasons, one is not ready for her to stop.

And sometimes, finding the right one, means a transition out of the hobby.

I personally would work 3 jobs if I had to just so she would not have to do that.

I can understand that a boyfriend may not be ready for awhile to make a lasting commitment, and it can be extremely awkward to discuss what happens in the interim. But at the end of the day, he has three choices: 1) defer the relationship until she does leave the hobby for something else that offers her adequate financial support; 2) accept that her job is a provider and deal with it; or 3) provide adequate financial support until she finds some other job.

I suspect X’s boyfriend wants the best of all worlds: a relationship with her, while she doesn’t hook (and hasn’t yet found comparable financial support from another job), but not pay her bills. That’s unrealistic.

Identification

An entry over on Nia’s blog asking why escorts in the US request identification from their clients more than escorts in the UK. The comments bring up two reasons: ensuring that the client is not law enforcement, and deterrence against mistreating her (physical abuse or stealing).

Of course, the first can be accomplished — and often is — by references from other providers, which don’t necessarily require “real life” identifying information. For example, I may just identify myself by my ASPD handle and my “hobby email address,” and tell her how to contact other well-known providers who’ve seen me BCD and can verify that I am not law enforcement and behaved appropriately in sessions. Relatively few of the providers I see these days know my real last name or address, and I don’t willingly offer that information up until I’ve known someone awhile.

The second purpose can also be accomplished — to a limited extent — the same way, because of the increased “connection” between providers. If I treat a provider poorly, say physical abuse or shorting the envelope, she may not have my real last name to offer to the cops . . . but with my ASPD handle and hobby email address, she can spread the word through back channels to other local providers. I’ll wind up on alert lists and the ladies will know to avoid me. I can get around that, but not easily without forfeiting the reference history associated with that handle/hobby email address — and if I forfeit the reference history, I’m forced to provide real life identifying information in the screening process.

To tell the truth, I’m absolutely astonished that a provider, today, would settle for much less. Certainly, back in the old days when a girl would show up at your hotel room (on an out of town trip) and take a quick look at your drivers license and airplane ticket . . . way too easy to fake.  Even getting your real name ahead of time so she can run a criminal background check . . . a lot of negative behavior toward providers never gets reported to the cops. All those methods provide some protection, but it seems much less than hearing from other girls you’ve seen recently who can not only confirm you’re not a cop but also tell her something about what you’re like.

Some guys probably have to offer real life identifying information. I certainly did when I started playing in the Dallas independent market 5 years ago. But if you can — references are much better for both sides.

Sex addiction

A test, along with a column explaining how counselors treat “sex addiction.”

I guess subconsciously I assumed I would fall into the “sex addict” category. I’ve been participating in the “hobby” for 30+ years now, with only brief periods away from it. Last year I was averaging about 7 sessions and $1,800 per month — not much for some guys, but it seems like a lot when you have to sneak the money out of joint finances and have a hectic work schedule. I tried, unsuccessfully, to stop altogether at the end of last year. I spend an inordinate amount of time these days cruising blogs and discussion boards like ASPD and ad sites, not to mention blogging here.

But when I took the test, I got a score of 10. Over 70% of people who get that score are non-addicts. So, although I might be in the early stages, it appears that a counselor would probably conclude that I am not “addicted”? Or maybe the test is just not calibrated well for hobbyists?

Party politics

Now there’s a thread on ASPD with some bickering about who was and wasn’t invited to the party I went to last night. Extremely silly to get worked up about that, if you ask me. So Jarod is upset because he wasn’t invited but others (including me) were? Big deal — nobody is invited to everything and at the end of the day you need to just ignore it. A lot of parties are thrown (including by Jarod) to which I’m not invited, and it doesn’t bother me. (And certainly if you don’t invite everyone to your party, you have no cause to complain if someone else has a party and doesn’t invite you.)

Oh, and in response to jfred’s little jest:

let me say that we who did not attend recognize that you who did included no jackasses or idiots, only really cool guys and gals

Nope.    Lots of “un-cool” people, including me, and included some jackasses and idiots as well I’m sure. Just an average party. Probably the only thing we guys in attendance had in common (other than that we pay hookers for sex) was that we were willing to pay $100 for the privilege of attending the party.

Terminology — mapping language to reality

Some interesting discussion recently by LA Player, the Petulant Pooner, and Nia concerning different descriptive terms used by prostitutes to describe their profession. Basically, different perspectives on the validity of distinguishing between different terms used for — essentially — the same thing. Prostitute, whore, hooker, escort, call girl, companion, courtesan, etc.

Getting connected

An interesting entry over on “Miss Employed in Minnesota” about a party she went to. What struck me in particular:

It is really nice to be around people who can relate to you.

Absolutely. I’ve made similar comments before (here and here). It’s particularly interesting to see someone who’s becoming more connected and experiencing that high. It’s been awhile for me; I’ve mostly forgotten what it felt like. 

The provider I “fired”

I posted awhile back about “firing” a provider and whether I should explicitly tell her I was doing so and why, or just stop scheduling with her without comment. Well, decided on the latter. In any event, I’ve been rethinking the issue. She is a lot of fun, and I consider her a friend. It’s just a problem with reliability regarding being at the incall, ready, at an agreed time. I think there are four aspects that concerned me.

The party

Didn’t work out as well as I’d hoped.