Availability

Just thinking again about how the group of ladies to see is dwindling. I’m pretty selective to begin with, or at least think of myself that way, and many of my favorites have retired or disappeared. (Possible they’re still around, but if so they’re UTR and have made no effort to contact me.) Of the small remaining group:

• A couple of ladies to whom I’ve very attached are — at their choice — not available now. Always possible that will change at some point, but until/unless I hear from them, they remain a fond memory but not an option.

• I removed another lady, of whom I’m very fond, from my list out of fear of becoming too attached.
• Another two or three have fairly limited schedules, which don’t often coincide with my play schedule. I may be able to see them occasionally, but not often.
• Which leaves me only a couple of choices for frequent encounters.

This wouldn’t be a problem if I were only scheduling once or twice a month, but at times I hobby much more frequently than that. At the moment, I haven’t even identified many prospects to explore and possibly add to the list. Need to work on that. But it takes a lot of effort to find new prospects when you’re finicky. I can’t just post an ad and ask for applicants, or I’d be swamped by responses from a lot of ladies in whom I’m really not interested. Looking through ads and reviews, then scheduling a session, takes a lot of time and seems to have a relatively low “success” rate (defined as finding someone I would enjoy seeing regularly) for me.

Stress and the hobby

I think stress is a major driver for how often/when I hobby. Mostly of the work variety, of course. Sometimes I’m stressed at work because things are incredibly busy. If that’s the case, I usually can’t get away very often. But I do push the envelope to sneak away to play at least a few times, and I think about it a lot. August was a little slow, hobby-wise. Recently, though, the stress I’m feeling is due to uncertainty surrounding an upcoming juncture in my career path, rather than an extremely heavy workload. I’ve been playing much more in October. Today is going to be one of those days — hopefully.

Competition

I called a studio last week, looking for one of my favorites. (I’m not really a studio kinda guy; only one studio lady I’m enthusiastic about seeing again.) They said she wasn’t available, on vacation. And today I find out she’s been at another studio for awhile. Probably was there already when I called the first place, and I imagine they knew it. The same thing happens with agencies, and possibly AMP’s. If you’re looking for a particular girl who’s no longer there, they may not tell you she’s gone for good and almost certainly won’t tell you she’s at a particular competing establishment.

This seems a slightly more competitive environment than the independents. With the latter, location isn’t the issue. But at least occasionally I’ve heard of independent providers, not able to schedule at a particular time, recommend another provider. Doesn’t seem to happen as much with the studios and agencies. Which is silly in a way, because we probably will find that person we’re looking for. Helping us might encourage us to come visit you as well.

Free session

An interesting thread on ASPD concerning whether, if the provider offers you a free session (e.g., to make up for a no-show or the like), you should accept.

It hasn’t happened often with me, and initially it made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I eventually concluded that it’s her business and her decision. I certainly wouldn’t hint at or demand anything to make up for a poor session or a no-show or the like. If she wants to offer a freebie or substantial discount, though, I’ll accept (and that may influence my decision to overlook the problem and see her again). I don’t tip or counter-offer a lesser recompense, as some suggested on that thread. It’s her decision. But since she may have spoken in haste and regret her generosity I make not take advantage of her offer unless she repeats it when I schedule that next session.

I’ve had a few discounts and a few freebies offered. Most of the discounts were not major and I accepted without any real qualms. The first time I was offered a freebie, she didn’t mention it the next time I scheduled and I left her usual donation. She didn’t notice until after our session, contacted me, and insisted that the next one was on the house. I accepted and it was. In one other case, she didn’t bring it up again and I didn’t pursue. All other times a freebie was offered, somehow, all subsequent attempts at scheduling a session were fruitless. Hmmm . . .

“A-List”???

I was a bit startled by this post on ASPD:

I got to wondering… How many “A-List” providers are there in Dallas. I don’t mean the “visiting” or the SWs, but the truly established and quality individuals like Deejah, Vivian Knights, TNTAngie, etc. You know the ones who continually get excellent reviews, not just for their talents but for their character. The dependable and established personalities of the hobby. I would be interested and would include Independent, Agency and Studio ladies who meet the criteria. Are we talking about 50, 100, 500, etc.? Any takers?

Deejah, Vivian Knights, TNTAngie?? I’ve never met any of the three, let alone seen them BCD, but . . . ?? Four years ago, if someone said “A-List providers,” I would have thought: Ashley Ash, Jenna, Corie, Jennifer Tyler, Violet Star, Catherine Adair, Tabitha Toy, Rebecca, Jordan of Dallas. Comparing that group to Deejah, Vivian Knight, and TNTAngie just seems strange. OK, he may have been casting the net very broadly: anyone who gets good reviews and is reasonably dependable. And We All Like Different Things. But it still seems bizarre.

What a mess

It appears that the donation I tried to send was not received. I was concerned in the first place, and tried to meet in person, because of the possibility of loss and theft. Sure enough, Caitylyn tells me she never received the donation. Of course, I thought that the possibility of loss and theft was relatively small and limited to Post Office employees. Turns out that the address she gave me was a mailbox for which someone else had the key — and that other person may have taken the package? I can understand, if that person is hard up, she might be tempted to keep something sent to Caitlyn for herself, but it doesn’t make me any happier about this whole thing. And based on inquiries to date, it looks very much as though there is no way I will be able to get the money back, even if that other person hasn’t used the cards yet.

This wouldn’t have happened if Caitlyn had: (a) kept the scheduled meeting time so I could drop off cash in person; (b) gotten back to me to explain why she no-showed, and made alternative arrangements; or (c) warned me that the address she provided was not secure. I guess I shouldn’t have assumed that she would handle the situation appropriately to make it easy for potential donors and minimize the chances of something going wrong.

Well, I’m no worse off than if Caitlyn had received it; she’s the one who is injured by this fiasco. But I would not have donated money to the other person, and I’m not happy about the result. In future cases of public (or private) requests to help out a provider in need . . . I think I’ll just stay on the sidelines unless I know the provider in question pretty well.

Charitable frustration

I’ve been trying to respond to a public plea for assistance to a provider who experienced a significant problem recently (and whom I know but have never met). And been very frustrated by the whole process.

In the past, I might have donated through PayPal, but I stopped doing that because as a result the recipient gets your real full name (had to supply it since paying by credit card). So, first I tried to arrange a meeting so I could give her some cash in person. We were supposed to meet at a gas station in North Dallas on a Friday night. I waited about a half-hour; she never showed; and never called back to explain why. I’ve been no-showed a few times in the hobby, but this is the first time I’ve been no-showed when I was trying to just give somebody money.

So after I still hadn’t heard from her, I decided to try again. Picked up some Visa gift cards and mailed them to her. But she didn’t email me to confirm receipt (Post Office said it should have arrived this past Friday), so I have no idea whether it was lost or stolen. What do I do now? Try to cancel the cards and get my money back? Wait a bit longer it case the package was delayed or she just hasn’t had an opportunity to contact me?

But I spent $400 bucks (plus activation fees for the cards) and a minimum of 2 or 3 hours of my time . . . and as far as I know, she got no benefit from it. It’s not a question of her failure to express appreciation; it’s a question of whether that expenditure of time and money was just wasted. This leaves a bad taste in my mouth, may discourage me the next time some asks for help.

Enforcing community standards?

I think much of the unpleasantness on a discussion board like ASPD is caused by individuals aggressively trying to change behavior or even membership, through public complaints and arguing with the “offenders.” Whether providers over-posting or bitching about their clients, or clients not writing the types of reviews some prefer, or whatever — someone will attack them for it.

I understand the desire to express community standards and how that can be useful. It creates problems when people try to take too much of that into their own hands — because beyond a certain point it isn’t their responsibility or right. Think of a couple of analogies. First, a guest misbehaving at a party. Other guests may try modeling appropriate behavior, or quietly and non-confrontationally suggesting a change. Beyond that, we defer to the host to take action. Second, someone in a store, clogging up the aisles, talking loudly on a cellphone, but not buying anything. Again, other customers may take some actions to discourage the behavior, but ultimately we should defer to the business owner to kick that person out of the store if he so chooses.

When another guest usurps the role of the host, or another customer usurps the role of the business owner, they risk becoming the unwelcome guest/customer themselves. While rowdy behavior at a party is appropriate, so is yelling at the rowdy one, at least potentially. While taking up space but not buying anything at the store may bother other customers, so is telling that person to get the hell out of the store, at least potentially. Ultimately, it must be the host’s or the business owner’s call on what the correct balance is — based largely on their evaluation of the effects on their guests/customers. (Throwing a rowdy drunk out the door may upset guests as much as the rowdy drunk did, after all.)

On ASPD (which is after all a business), that means Amber and her designated representatives. Unfortunately, there are too many self-appointed “board police” floating around. But, to maintain the appropriate behavior (whatever Amber and the staff think it is), requires more involvement by the staff than we often see. Not as cops, issuing warnings and points and bans, but as hosts, gently explaining “I’d appreciate it if you’d stop, we don’t do that here.” After all, the staff was put in place presumably because they had a better feel than the usurpers for what Amber wanted as ASPD’s standards of behavior.

Follow up to that last entry

CPI3000 replies with a theory:

Because of the site’s growth, the median income of the average hobbyist that posts on this board is a whole lot lower than it was 4 or 5 years ago. With it went the class, the discretion, and the respect that was afforded the girls who used to openly advertise their availability here.

Would that also explain more of a propensity for clients to haggle? *shrug* I don’t know. There may be some correlation between income and class/respect, although certainly not an overwhelmingly strong one. I like to think of myself as being respectful, but that characteristic (if true) was formed in my youth, when I was lower middle-class at best. On the other hand, my behavior toward providers may have improved as I’ve gotten older.

There’s also a “chicken and egg” question. Many have argued that the average quality of providers — primarily in the areas of professionalism and/or physical attractiveness — has declined over the past few years. Clients complain about that while providers complain about a decline in the average quality of clients. Of course, any increase in volume — whether of clients or providers — likely decreases the average quality. Isn’t that “regression to the mean” or some such statistical concept? (Guess I should have paid more attention in college.) But which came first? Was the market flooded by more providers, thus reducing prices, and attracting the type of clients likely to haggle and treat women disrespectfully? Or did more clients join the market, increasing demand, and thus allowing market entry by lesser-quality providers who would not have been competitive before?

I have no idea.

Providers who don’t like “ASPD guys”

Another discussion of the topic over on ASPD. I think some are missing the point. I don’t think these providers are saying ASPD guys are worse than TER guys or BigDoggie guys, as GRIPITRIPIT is suggesting. I think they’re contrasting to their clients who aren’t on any review board. And, although some may complain because ASPD guys are “educated consumers” who won’t fall for a scam, providers do have legitimate complaints that have nothing to do with bad service on their part. Members of any review board do often push for lower rates. Clients who only know EROS or provider websites don’t realize the true “market” prices. (As a provider once explained it to me, ASPD = “Consumer Reports” for the hobby, and who reads “Consumer Reports”? The guy looking for the best bargain/price.) Plus, because of review-writing requirements for the boards, they may be more likely to write reviews even though the provider doesn’t want one — for privacy reasons, rather than to avoid reports of bad service. Finally, I suspect review board guys (whether ASPD or TER or BigDoggie) are more likely to use the threat of poor reviews or promise of good reviews to coerce/manipulate, or more likely to think that the “collective power” of an organized group of hobbyists empowers them to lord it over the providers and be disrespectful or rude. A client who doesn’t know about review boards probably is less experienced, more unsure of himself, and less likely to throw his weight around.

When Kayla says “Hate to say it but, about 40% of you have really been a challenge to deal with,” well, we need to listen. She’s not one of the providers who constantly bitch about us on the boards, but even she thinks it’s a crappy environment. That should be a wake-up call. Although the only people who seem to hear such wake-up calls as those who don’t need them.